Honorifics in Korean (존댓말 vs 반말, 압존법)

Korean politeness isn’t only about –요 / –습니다 or age. It’s a layered system that combines:

1. endings that respect the listener,
2. vocabulary that raises the subject (the person talked about), and
3. forms that lower yourself toward the listener.
   You can also negotiate levels with 말 놓다 (“drop formalities”).

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A. Three ways Koreans show politeness

1) Raising the other person’s actions

Use honorific predicates (often with –시–) when the respected person is the subject.

• 자다 → 주무시다
  • 잘 잤어? – Did you sleep well?
  • 잘 주무셨어요? – Did you sleep well?
• 먹다 → 드시다 / 잡수시다(잡수시다 is more ceremonious/formal)
  • 밥 먹었어? – Did you eat?
  • 밥 드셨어요? / 식사 잡수셨어요? – Did you eat?
• 가다/오다 → 가시다/오시다
  • 언제 와? – When will you come?
  • 언제 오세요? – When will you come?

2) Raising things related to the other person

Honorific nouns/titles for their family, belongings, home, name, age, etc.

• 집 → 댁 / 자택
  • 집에 가? – Are you going home?
  • 댁(자택)에 가세요? – Are you going home?
• 이름 → 성함
  • 이름이 뭐야? – What’s your name?
  • 성함이 어떻게 되세요? – What’s your name?
• 나이 → 연세
  • 몇 살이야? – How old are you?
  • 연세가 어떻게 되세요? – How old are you?
• 형/누나/오빠 → 형님/누님/오라버니
  • 형 왔어. – My older brother came. → 형님 오셨어요. – My elder brother came.
  • 누나 어디 가? – Where are you going, sis? → 누님 어디 가세요? – Where are you going?
  • 오빠 고마워. – Thanks, oppa. → 오라버니 감사합니다. – Thank you, elder brother.
    In everyday modern speech, 오라버니 sounds old-fashioned/literary; most people just use 오빠 with polite endings when needed.

3) Lowering yourself toward the listener

Use humble verbs when you act toward the respected person.

• 보다 → 뵙다
  • 내일 봐요. – I’ll see you tomorrow.
  • 내일 뵙겠습니다. – I’ll see you tomorrow.
• 주다 → 드리다
  • 이거 줄게요. – I’ll give you this.
  • 이거 드릴게요. – I’ll give you this.
• 묻다 → 여쭤보다
  • 물어봐도 돼요? – Can I ask?
  • 여쭤봐도 될까요? – May I ask?
• 말하다 → 말씀드리다
  • 할 말이 있어요. – I have something to say.
  • 말씀드릴 게 있어요. – I have something to tell you.

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B. Choosing levels (not age-only) + switching with 말 놓다

Politeness depends on relationship, context, and mutual agreement, not age alone.

• 나한테 반말해도 돼. – You can speak casually to me.
• 말 놓을까요? – Shall we drop formalities?
• 아직은 존댓말이 편해요. – I’d prefer to keep it polite for now.

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C. Vocabulary differences (expanded, same-sentence pairs)

• 말 → 말씀
  • 무슨 말이야? – What are you saying?
  • 무슨 말씀이세요? – What are you saying?
• 죽다 → 돌아가시다
  • 할아버지가 죽었어. – Grandpa died.
  • 할아버지가 돌아가셨어요. – Grandpa passed away.
• 아프다 → 편찮으시다
  • 어디 아파? – Are you sick?
  • 어디 편찮으세요? – Are you unwell?
• 밥 → 진지
  • 밥 먹었어? – Did you eat?
  • 진지 드셨어요? – Did you eat (meal)?
• 술 → 약주
  • 술 마셨어? – Did you drink alcohol?
  • 약주 하셨어요? – Did you drink alcohol?
• 사람/명 → 분 (counting/mention)
  • 몇 명 왔어? – How many people came?
  • 몇 분 오셨어요? – How many people came?
• 한테/에게 → 께 (goal particle)
  • 선배한테 물어봐. – Ask the senior.
  • 선배님께 여쭤보세요. – Please ask the senior.
• 우리 → 저희 (humble “we/our”)
  • 우리 가게예요. – It’s our shop.
  • 저희 가게예요. – It’s our shop.
• 있다 → 계시다(for the respected person; don’t use for yourself)
  • 여기 있어요? – Are you here?
  • 여기 계세요? – Are you here?

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D. Degrees of politeness (same meaning, different tone)

• Very polite: 지금 가능하시겠습니까? – Would now be possible for you?
• Polite: 지금 가능하세요? – Are you available now?
• Neutral polite: 지금 가능해요? – Are you available now?
• Casual: 지금 가능해? – Free now?

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E. Over-politeness (common in service talk)

Overusing –시– on objects sounds wrong because only people take honorifics.

• ❌ 주문하신 커피 나오셨습니다. (coffee ≠ person)
• ✅ 주문하신 커피 나왔습니다. – The coffee you ordered is ready.
• ✅ 커피 준비해 드렸습니다. – I’ve prepared your coffee.
  Similar mistakes: 케이크 나오셨습니다, 음료 들어가시겠습니다 → keep honorifics for people’s actions, use neutral polite for items.

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F. Special note: 압존법 (Apjon-beop)

Idea: When the listener outranks the third person, speakers in some strict hierarchies (especially the military) downshift honorifics for that third person. It’s etiquette rather than core grammar, and is less common outside those contexts.

Roles:

• Speaker: the one talking
• Listener: the addressee
• Third person: the person being mentioned

Company example (listener > third person)

• Speaker: staff / Listener: director / Third person: department head
• With Apjon: 부장 들어왔습니다. – The department head has come in.
• Without Apjon (common today): 부장님 오셨습니다. – The department head has come in.

Military example (listener > third person)

• Speaker: PFC / Listener: First Lieutenant / Third person: Second Lieutenant
• With Apjon: 소위 도착했습니다. – The second lieutenant has arrived.
• Without Apjon: 소위님 도착하셨습니다. – The second lieutenant has arrived.
  Use Apjon only if you know the setting expects it; otherwise consistent honorifics are safer. (You probably don’t have to know how to use it)

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G. Common mistakes (quick fixes)

• Using ‘말씀’ for your own words
  • ❌ 제가 말씀했잖아요. → ✅ 제가 말했잖아요. / 말씀드렸잖아요.
• Using ‘계시다’ for yourself
  • ❌ 저 여기 계세요. → ✅ 저 여기 있어요.
• Mixing levels
  • ❌ 연세가 몇 살이세요? → ✅ 연세가 어떻게 되세요? / 나이가 몇 살이에요?
• Object honorifics
  • ❌ 주문하신 케이크 나오셨습니다. → ✅ 주문하신 케이크 나왔습니다.

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Closing

Korean politeness = listener endings + subject honorifics + humble self-forms, tuned by relationship, context, and agreement. Use 말 놓다 to negotiate levels. Aim for appropriate and natural, not “maximum honorifics.”

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Check out related posts

• How Koreans Talk About Age – Expressions, Titles, and Cultural Norms
• Korean Expressions About Work